So a couple of days after my last entry I have had an interesting time. I have read a book on how a scientist came to religion in two nights called "Foolish to be Wise" and I have been fascinated by it, how he goes through an awful lot of the same things I am going through. It seemed too fantastic for words to end with all the things that Roy got from it but if that is waiting for me then it is going to be exciting. A really good book that makes you think really about where things are and where they are going. Quite staggering. Thank you to the people that lent it to me. I can think of a lot of other people that would love to read that book and could probably gain in the same way that I have.
The thing about it though was once I'd picked the book up I was hooked. I literally couldn't put it down at all. It was 20 hours from when i picked the book up until i finished it. Every free minute became about reading this book and understanding more and more about the journey this person had been on.
Which takes me back to my journey, my journey has been most remarkable to me where I have been fighting continuously but I am stopping and answers are potentially appearing to me. I know it depends on perspective. Anyway Friday night I was reading the book and felt this urge to start talking to God and asking him directly some questions. How can I do that.. Well I had a bit of a pray. It was short and confusing and certainly didn't win me any awards for ability, coherence, understandability and clarity but I did it anyway. The prayer was based around the one listed in Alpha Course book. However I did change it a bit for my own circumstances. It was changed to say, you have my attention and I am actively listening to what you are saying. If you are there come and tell me something that is impossible for me to interpret as something else and I will give my life to you. This was at 11:28pm on Friday 11th February. I would have written about it yesterday but I wasn't here at all. What happened afterwards doesn't appear to have anything amazing, no big white lights, fanfare or anything like that. In fact I went back to my book and read for another hour. The book was running parallel to my life at times. I was walking the same journey as Roy it felt like. Anyway I was reading the book before I was praying so I can't put anything down to that.
So on to yesterday when I have decided to take another chance. Rather than getting God to talk to me who is not a proper believer I decided to have a quiet pray to myself to get him to give a message to my partner to give to me, so to talk to her and if he talks to her then lets see where we go. Anyway we were talking last night and there didn't seem to be anything that had come out of the day and I decided that nothing was going to happen. Before I go on I need to give some background so please bear with me.
Last Thursday my partners dog had to be put down afte a long illness. She was extremely sad about it and still is and I feel really sorry for her. Anyway on Thursday we went to the garden and I suggested we went to the local garden centre to get some plants to put on her grave. While we were there we just decided to go and have a look at the pets and we say the cutest two rabbits I have ever seen. I don't do cute at all. Romance doesn't exist in my world. Ask my partner, she will tell you.. so nice fluffy bunnies don't have any impact on me until Thursday. Suddenly we were discussing the idea of having house rabbits, which can be done in a flat as long as you bunny proof the place. Well we didn't do anything from there but decided whilst we were in Swindon on Saturday I held one as I needed to check whether I had an allergy or not and it just snuggled right into my neck. Apparently it was very cute and I got rabbit fur on my face neck and hands so if I had an allergy it would show pretty quick. No reaction. Anyway we went back later and bought a book on rabbits and decided to see how much it would cost to buy the house and food, toys and all the other things. It was plausible financially so that was a good tick in the box. We then found a problem which was we were struggling to find where to put the cages as potentially we would need 2 for 2 rabbits and we didn't want to leave one on its own.
Back to the previous story now so I haven't had any messages from God or seen anything. My partner is flicking around various websites looking for cages and struggling to find cages. Anyway we ended up on a site called Omelet and found our way to free ads, no idea how, no idea the route to get there and there was an advert for a rabbit in Folkestone, which came with 2 cages, water bottle, food and everything that we needed to get started and a 2.5 year old rabbit which only lived inside. To my amazement she then picked up the phone and spoke to the woman, somebody she had never spoken to before and talked to her about the rabbit. My partner doesn't consider the idea of talking to anyone on the phone unless she has to but she just did it. I was sat on the sofa with my mouth wide open stunned that she had done this. Anyway she has arranged for us to go and get the rabbit today which is just awesome. It is really exciting and is going to be brilliant.
Anyway she comes off the phone and then tells me without any prompting the following. "I was praying for an answer to the question of the rabbit and was asking God why he was blocking all the things we were trying to do, moving home, getting a rabbit" This was 10 minutes before she found the website with the rabbit! The whole point of my prayer in the morning was that i wasn't going to ask, it had to be her telling me and out of nowhere this came. I asked for a message. Have I just got "I am here and I am listening" as my message. The size of what has happened has not been lost on me. How do I feel after that? A bit freaked and scared because could it be that a rabbit is going to be what could bring me to God. This just sounds a bit on the crazy side, no a lot on the crazy side. I also know that everything is going to be fine tonight and the rabbit is going to come home with us even though we have to make sure we like it first. All has gone a bit screwy. At that point my radio decides to go and put on "My Own Little World" hahaha stereo. You are just being funny talking about population me, as I am about to add to my own little population.
Today has been left with complete chaos now, with church this morning, lunch with a friend and then chase down to folkestone, but I am not worried about it. In fact i am looking forward to what is going to be happening today. Is this going to fulfill a purpose. I think I am going to leave it there for now and then I can assimilate some more info with church, lunch and drive later. May add some more tonignt. See ya.
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