Questions, questions and more questions. I keep finding more things to ask. I feel sorry now for the people around me as they are all getting bombarded with questions, queries, challenged and all manner of other things from me.
However some more answers for me from talking and listening to people. The first thing is it is OK for me to keep questionning and asking things. That is who I am and I shouldn't hide away behind that and not ask. The second is not everyone has the answers to everything all the time. The third is I am not the only person who wants to understand all these things. It does feel like sometimes you are the only person who is challenging all these things and asking and questionning, especially when there are a lot of people around you who believe and have faith.
Faith, there is a word that is going to come into this soon enough. This goes back to my supernatural statement from Friday, I am not going to ever see any evidence of some of these things for myself. Eventually I am going if I want to believe I must have faith, a belief that transcends all of these worries and concerns and accepts God and Jesus and all these things. I have been told I can't put this in a box, and analyse it under the microscope as an intellectual argument. I will analyse this as much as I can but people tell me it will have to be more than accepting what is written, but accepting what is written even though it may contradict what I believe I know.
Then we get back to the brain in a blender idea. Here I am now much more confused about everything than I was when I started the Alpha Course, how many questions I had before doesn't compare with how many I have now. I figured this wouldn't be particularly difficult but I feel like it is around me all day every day. When I sit still I mull over something that someone says or something I have seen. It doesn't seem to end and is quite hard.
I have been to church this morning which has helped liquidise my brain some more.. The sermon was short and had a phrase "Theologists either experience God or turn to religion" which is something that rang true. I don't want to be someone who turns up on a Sunday because it's Sunday or because they are supposed to. I want to be there to experience it.
I have had some wonderful emails from friends answering all sorts of questions I have posted and asked people and I am very grateful for everything that people are doing for me as they are all putting themselves out to answer questions and be challenged. I am amazed at how open people will be when I come out with things that almost openly challenge the things they hold dear. I just hope they don't think I am being horrible. I am just looking for answers.
Also today I discovered you don't necessarily do Alpha once, often you can do it multiple times to get the answers to everything. (Although no-one knows everything as I have been told!).
I have heard some great metaphors for the whole thing today including a brilliant one about a boat. My journey was likened to me in a rowing boat and I am rowing like crazy doing things my way and fighting and keeping going no matter how tired I get. God then comes up in an ocean liner and says... Are you OK? Kind of makes you think...
The last thing I am thinking at the moment is about the breaking of bread. It happened today in the service and I was probably just about the only person that didn't take part. I decided that whilst I was doing my journey and i am not sure that it would be hypocritical to be accepting that without being absolutely sure in my own mind. I am not going to lie and pretend to be sure when I am not.
Anyway loads of bits and pieces today but no questions. Just a lot of thoughts... Ciao for now..
Sunday 30 January 2011
Friday 28 January 2011
More thoughts on Who is Jesus
So a day after the most confusing night ever, I am back with the bible trying to make sense of the who thing. I received an email from a friend today putting some answers to some of the questions I had posed. I had decided not to look at it today because it had hurt my head too much, but I couldn't resist and I am now sat with a bible open in front of me attempting to make more sense of it.
The overall burning question doesn't go away which is why can't I go "Yep I get it and it all works.." I guess time will do that. I have people telling me it can take years to get there.. Wow, how do they believe when they are going "no it does not make sense." or do they never go, "it doesn't make sense."
Anyway all the questions I seem to ask someone seems to have an answer. Bits that I have looked at tonight seem to be able to back the prophecies and the bible links back on itself. Just thinking, maybe I should stop thinking of the bible as it is. By that I mean 1 big book, because it isn't. I'm just sat in front of it at the moment and have just looked at Daniel 6 - The lions den. I just suddenly thought I am reading the bible as a book. Books are written by one person and it looks like each of the sections are "chapters" Each of the books of the bible were written by different people. There are 40 authors of the bible in the 66 books. In spite of there being 40 different authors the bible more or less hangs together as a book, with no more error or interpretation surely than any other collection of works would. In fact the contradictions are quite small I think, not that I know very much. This could be really important to me because I have this "Book" in front of me which isn't a book (if you are following me!)
So if I take that approach the prophecies were nothing to do with Jesus or anyone else who wrote the book as they MUST have been written by someone else hundreds of years earlier which then leaves me to grapple with the supernatural (water into wine, feeding of 5000 and the small matter of the resurrection!) Now if I am left with the supernatural rather than all of it maybe that makes my life easier. Well it can't make it harder than last night..
The overall burning question doesn't go away which is why can't I go "Yep I get it and it all works.." I guess time will do that. I have people telling me it can take years to get there.. Wow, how do they believe when they are going "no it does not make sense." or do they never go, "it doesn't make sense."
Anyway all the questions I seem to ask someone seems to have an answer. Bits that I have looked at tonight seem to be able to back the prophecies and the bible links back on itself. Just thinking, maybe I should stop thinking of the bible as it is. By that I mean 1 big book, because it isn't. I'm just sat in front of it at the moment and have just looked at Daniel 6 - The lions den. I just suddenly thought I am reading the bible as a book. Books are written by one person and it looks like each of the sections are "chapters" Each of the books of the bible were written by different people. There are 40 authors of the bible in the 66 books. In spite of there being 40 different authors the bible more or less hangs together as a book, with no more error or interpretation surely than any other collection of works would. In fact the contradictions are quite small I think, not that I know very much. This could be really important to me because I have this "Book" in front of me which isn't a book (if you are following me!)
So if I take that approach the prophecies were nothing to do with Jesus or anyone else who wrote the book as they MUST have been written by someone else hundreds of years earlier which then leaves me to grapple with the supernatural (water into wine, feeding of 5000 and the small matter of the resurrection!) Now if I am left with the supernatural rather than all of it maybe that makes my life easier. Well it can't make it harder than last night..
Thursday 27 January 2011
So who is Jesus and did he exist?
This was the question posed tonight on the Alpha Course and I suppose my first thought on this links back to the comment I made a few days ago about there definitely being someone called Jesus. Nicky Gumbel makes a compelling case that Jesus existed especially when he refers to the documents of the time. He talks of there being 5000 + Greek copies of the new testament written within a respectable period of Jesus life (30 - 310 years) which in historical terms is nothing, that would be the equivalent of being written now about Henry VIII and there are a lot of documents that cover that subject so that really confirms that he existed and the documents are original documents.
I also thought is it possible could they have all been written by the same person and at the moment I am not fully convinced they weren't probably because I am sceptical about everything I come into contact with. This leaves me with an interesting thought that Nicky referred to which is about Lawyers being Christian. Their job is to get evidence and if they believe then they must have enough evidence to satisfy them. Maybe I haven't got enough of the right evidence for me yet.
The other thing of note was that Nicky said he was one of three things, a liar, deluded or the Son of God. I can reasonably happily exclude liar based on what I know and I can reasonably get rid of the deluded too. That therefore logic dictates with the option of Son of God. I don't yet have the belief or whatever it is I'd need to go yep he is definitely the Son of God.
So if I have ruled the other two out why is he not the third? Well I am thinking that he performed miracles, and he did things such as the resurrection which is where I have the issue I think. These things as a human (which was his form) are impossible and I am struggling to make that link. My brain would love a fourth option at the moment but there isn't one. That is probably why this hurts my head!
The message he has is a good one, there is no doubt about that. He says great things that everyone would surely want to be part of such as "Receive me - Receive God", he was definitely a great teacher and he inspired the Christian religion. He meets the prophecies, about 300 of them anyway. Evidence is also not only written within the bible but also in other documents too.
I look around at the people around me and think "here you all are comfortable and happy in the love for you that Jesus has" and you have this spiritual life which is so wonderful. I think I would love to have that too but I find myself asking maybe too many questions. The big ones that come up are, How do you experience the power and love of Jesus? followed by How would I know if I had experienced the power and love of Jesus?
Our discussion had a great question attached to it tonight. "If you saw Jesus, what would you feel and what would you say." That was one of the easiest questions to answer and I would say, "I have seen you for myself, now I can believe."
Other discussions were about the wondrous feel people get when they look at nature, sunsets, sunrises, big open spaces, nature and how wonderful it is and that it gives people a spiritual feeling. Maybe I'm a bit odd, but I think, that is pretty or that is nice, or that is big compared to me but spiritual probably not. If I look up in the sky on a clear day (not at the sun because that would hurt my eyes) I feel dizzy and sick but I don't think that counts.
Overall I feel a little down tonight, I came away with more questions than answers, why didn't anyone write about Jesus till he was 30? Was Christianity around before Jesus? Where an when were the prophecies written that were written that Jesus foretold? Why can't I just take it as being accurate? Why do I have to continually fight the whole thing? What am I missing out on? The people were lovely and great and they provided everything they can. I need to mull this over and make sense of it as it was a real struggle tonight and I feel like I have missed something. Everyone finds a piece of inspiration it seems that leads them in the direction of Jesus. If I am supposed to find one, where is it and am I going to miss it when it does occur. Anyway I'll add some more over the weekend. Till then.
I also thought is it possible could they have all been written by the same person and at the moment I am not fully convinced they weren't probably because I am sceptical about everything I come into contact with. This leaves me with an interesting thought that Nicky referred to which is about Lawyers being Christian. Their job is to get evidence and if they believe then they must have enough evidence to satisfy them. Maybe I haven't got enough of the right evidence for me yet.
The other thing of note was that Nicky said he was one of three things, a liar, deluded or the Son of God. I can reasonably happily exclude liar based on what I know and I can reasonably get rid of the deluded too. That therefore logic dictates with the option of Son of God. I don't yet have the belief or whatever it is I'd need to go yep he is definitely the Son of God.
So if I have ruled the other two out why is he not the third? Well I am thinking that he performed miracles, and he did things such as the resurrection which is where I have the issue I think. These things as a human (which was his form) are impossible and I am struggling to make that link. My brain would love a fourth option at the moment but there isn't one. That is probably why this hurts my head!
The message he has is a good one, there is no doubt about that. He says great things that everyone would surely want to be part of such as "Receive me - Receive God", he was definitely a great teacher and he inspired the Christian religion. He meets the prophecies, about 300 of them anyway. Evidence is also not only written within the bible but also in other documents too.
I look around at the people around me and think "here you all are comfortable and happy in the love for you that Jesus has" and you have this spiritual life which is so wonderful. I think I would love to have that too but I find myself asking maybe too many questions. The big ones that come up are, How do you experience the power and love of Jesus? followed by How would I know if I had experienced the power and love of Jesus?
Our discussion had a great question attached to it tonight. "If you saw Jesus, what would you feel and what would you say." That was one of the easiest questions to answer and I would say, "I have seen you for myself, now I can believe."
Other discussions were about the wondrous feel people get when they look at nature, sunsets, sunrises, big open spaces, nature and how wonderful it is and that it gives people a spiritual feeling. Maybe I'm a bit odd, but I think, that is pretty or that is nice, or that is big compared to me but spiritual probably not. If I look up in the sky on a clear day (not at the sun because that would hurt my eyes) I feel dizzy and sick but I don't think that counts.
Overall I feel a little down tonight, I came away with more questions than answers, why didn't anyone write about Jesus till he was 30? Was Christianity around before Jesus? Where an when were the prophecies written that were written that Jesus foretold? Why can't I just take it as being accurate? Why do I have to continually fight the whole thing? What am I missing out on? The people were lovely and great and they provided everything they can. I need to mull this over and make sense of it as it was a real struggle tonight and I feel like I have missed something. Everyone finds a piece of inspiration it seems that leads them in the direction of Jesus. If I am supposed to find one, where is it and am I going to miss it when it does occur. Anyway I'll add some more over the weekend. Till then.
Tuesday 25 January 2011
The Alpha Course .. Week 2 - Who is Jesus
A couple of days before my next Alpha session and I have already begun to think about the topic that is coming up. Who is Jesus? This kinda links to the thoughts I was having over the weekend about whether he existed or not and I guess that is going to be the first thing that I have to work out. There are quite a few questions that i naturally have due to the way I think and the things that are important to me. The ones that come to mind at the moment are...
First the obvious did Jesus actually exist, now I think I can understand that he potentially did exist in the same way you understand that Julius Caesar existed. The second thing is about the things that he did especially some of the miracles that he did. How did he do these things? and more importantly, what evidence is there (besides the bible) that backs up the things that he did. I believe the bible is not the only source... but I can't be sure... That is where my knowledge really is. Wouldn't it have been great to have impartial observers who could take notes at the time, but we don't have that luxury. I guess I will have to make a competent decision based on the evidence that is presented to me from Alpha.
Third is something that has bugged me for a while about Jesus which is probably just plain daft. There is a huge amount of information written about his birth, a huge amount written about his death and a good amount about his life as an adult. What about the rest of his life as a 6 year old etc.. I presume he was 6 once and I wonder what he was like as a child like the rest of us.. Odd I know but it is something that I wonder. Was his life not that interesting until he reached 13 or 14?? I don't know and maybe somebody will know. I know that we didn't have 24 hr media back then.
I am intrigued, however I do know a couple of things.. first no-one has all the answers and that if they did it would be easy. Does make me think though!
First the obvious did Jesus actually exist, now I think I can understand that he potentially did exist in the same way you understand that Julius Caesar existed. The second thing is about the things that he did especially some of the miracles that he did. How did he do these things? and more importantly, what evidence is there (besides the bible) that backs up the things that he did. I believe the bible is not the only source... but I can't be sure... That is where my knowledge really is. Wouldn't it have been great to have impartial observers who could take notes at the time, but we don't have that luxury. I guess I will have to make a competent decision based on the evidence that is presented to me from Alpha.
Third is something that has bugged me for a while about Jesus which is probably just plain daft. There is a huge amount of information written about his birth, a huge amount written about his death and a good amount about his life as an adult. What about the rest of his life as a 6 year old etc.. I presume he was 6 once and I wonder what he was like as a child like the rest of us.. Odd I know but it is something that I wonder. Was his life not that interesting until he reached 13 or 14?? I don't know and maybe somebody will know. I know that we didn't have 24 hr media back then.
I am intrigued, however I do know a couple of things.. first no-one has all the answers and that if they did it would be easy. Does make me think though!
Sunday 23 January 2011
Sunday night... Ad-Hoc thoughts
I wasn't planning to make an entry tonight, but more thoughts are following from today. I attended church today as I have done for the past 18 months. Today was a little bit different. Statements said by people have changed some of my perceptions about things. A comment made on Thursday about one of the books of the bible was made. It was about statements in the bible being backed up by more information, I think it was the rules in Deuteronomy which look like a set of rules, but apparently each of them have a relevant reason behind them. I always figured that you'd have to make sense of all the bible and Jesus and God etc if you wanted to be a Christian, but you don't (probably not making sense myself... I know what i mean, I think!). If you read things in the bible there is other evidence behind it which may make it accurate.
This left me feeling a little different in the church today but I can't really explain how other than it was peculiar, during the worship, singing part of the service, I was compelled to sing one of the songs more than just mumble it. I know I have an appalling singing voice and try and make sure I am not heard but today I know I was heard by at least one other person. The song was "This is our God", when it was in the part that starts "Freely you gave it all for us, Surrendered your life upon that cross." Not sure what that means if it means anything but it is a little unusual.
During the message we were being told about the Romans in about 50 AD... not 1950... :) but it made me think, we all know the Romans were around and Julius Ceasar existed. But that made me think hang on, I can read an encyclopaedia and look it up and lo and behold you can find out about him, so why is the evidence less likely to be true about Jesus and God. If I can find enough evidence about Jesus and God to convince me then it will all make sense or as much as I need it to will. Lots of food for me to think on during the rest of the week and I am only on Sunday night... Crikey, what else is going to happen during the rest of the week. Better go to bed before I really lose the plot.
This left me feeling a little different in the church today but I can't really explain how other than it was peculiar, during the worship, singing part of the service, I was compelled to sing one of the songs more than just mumble it. I know I have an appalling singing voice and try and make sure I am not heard but today I know I was heard by at least one other person. The song was "This is our God", when it was in the part that starts "Freely you gave it all for us, Surrendered your life upon that cross." Not sure what that means if it means anything but it is a little unusual.
During the message we were being told about the Romans in about 50 AD... not 1950... :) but it made me think, we all know the Romans were around and Julius Ceasar existed. But that made me think hang on, I can read an encyclopaedia and look it up and lo and behold you can find out about him, so why is the evidence less likely to be true about Jesus and God. If I can find enough evidence about Jesus and God to convince me then it will all make sense or as much as I need it to will. Lots of food for me to think on during the rest of the week and I am only on Sunday night... Crikey, what else is going to happen during the rest of the week. Better go to bed before I really lose the plot.
Saturday 22 January 2011
A Reflective look at Alpha
I have now had a couple of days to think about the first of the Alpha sessions and have decided to add the thoughts having had a couple of days to process the information.
The first thing that I have realised is that there really is going to be a journey here. I am not going to find all the answers at once and I have to find facts in amongst the information that I am given and understand and be convinced for myself and not rely on someone elses inspiration to help me. If I am to be convinced I am going to have to ask questions which to me are going to sound daft, stupid or just plain dum! Well hopefully not too many dum ones but you never know.
Secondly I am not sure how to take Nicky Gumbel. I did get the impression he was a little patronising, but that is more likely to be me than anything that he has done. In spite of that my mind is fully open to the ideas and thoughts that he is going to provoke as the information is more important than the person giving it.
Thirdly Alpha is going to prompt more questions and I won't have the answer to everything by the end of it. The Christians I speak to are still asking questions and still looking for some answers all the time, even if they are not as fundamental as mine. If things are positive at the end of it the questions I will have will be good questions.
I had two great conversations with people during the evening which stuck in my mind. The first of them was relating to the bible. This book to me has been a struggle to understand and follow. I always believed the book stands on its own but there were many questions raised about the book. I know later on during the course we are going to be looking at the bible in more detail including how to read it. That should be of significant interest to me.
The second conversation was a history of how Christianity had affected someones life, which I found deeply touching and quite wonderful. I do have an envy for the relationship that some people have with God but I am not in a place where I could have that but maybe if things become clearer during the course a relationship of my own. I'm still a long way from that right now and full of all the questions in the world about how?, why? what? etc for so many things.
The people within the group are all absolutely wonderful. I couldn't have found a more caring friendly welcoming group of people anywhere. I have naturally over the years found friends hard to come by but am able to make relationships with people and proper ones for the first time in an extremely long time.
But... this journey is not about the people around me, the journey is about me and my discoveries and experieces. I have got a book on the Alpha Course which has information relating to each of the topics that are discussed during the course and I will be reviewing things as I go.
Initially I am certainly curious... many more questions to ask and thoughts and discussions to have. I know that I am going to challenge things to their limit, my logic will mean that I have to do that to convince myself of anything. I hope I don't give everyone involved a hard time. I guess I am looking for evidence. So far I am looking forward to seeing it presented to me and to able to churn it over in my mind. Until next week I will just mull over things I have seen and will be looking through the chapter in the book again to see if it provokes anything.
Bye for now... if you have any interest. Just one thing to say, my thanks go to the people organising and running the course for giving their time up freely preparing food, assisting us, and guiding us through the whole thing. I am grateful for all the help they are providing.
See you Wednesday when I will briefly add where I am before the next session :)
The first thing that I have realised is that there really is going to be a journey here. I am not going to find all the answers at once and I have to find facts in amongst the information that I am given and understand and be convinced for myself and not rely on someone elses inspiration to help me. If I am to be convinced I am going to have to ask questions which to me are going to sound daft, stupid or just plain dum! Well hopefully not too many dum ones but you never know.
Secondly I am not sure how to take Nicky Gumbel. I did get the impression he was a little patronising, but that is more likely to be me than anything that he has done. In spite of that my mind is fully open to the ideas and thoughts that he is going to provoke as the information is more important than the person giving it.
Thirdly Alpha is going to prompt more questions and I won't have the answer to everything by the end of it. The Christians I speak to are still asking questions and still looking for some answers all the time, even if they are not as fundamental as mine. If things are positive at the end of it the questions I will have will be good questions.
I had two great conversations with people during the evening which stuck in my mind. The first of them was relating to the bible. This book to me has been a struggle to understand and follow. I always believed the book stands on its own but there were many questions raised about the book. I know later on during the course we are going to be looking at the bible in more detail including how to read it. That should be of significant interest to me.
The second conversation was a history of how Christianity had affected someones life, which I found deeply touching and quite wonderful. I do have an envy for the relationship that some people have with God but I am not in a place where I could have that but maybe if things become clearer during the course a relationship of my own. I'm still a long way from that right now and full of all the questions in the world about how?, why? what? etc for so many things.
The people within the group are all absolutely wonderful. I couldn't have found a more caring friendly welcoming group of people anywhere. I have naturally over the years found friends hard to come by but am able to make relationships with people and proper ones for the first time in an extremely long time.
But... this journey is not about the people around me, the journey is about me and my discoveries and experieces. I have got a book on the Alpha Course which has information relating to each of the topics that are discussed during the course and I will be reviewing things as I go.
Initially I am certainly curious... many more questions to ask and thoughts and discussions to have. I know that I am going to challenge things to their limit, my logic will mean that I have to do that to convince myself of anything. I hope I don't give everyone involved a hard time. I guess I am looking for evidence. So far I am looking forward to seeing it presented to me and to able to churn it over in my mind. Until next week I will just mull over things I have seen and will be looking through the chapter in the book again to see if it provokes anything.
Bye for now... if you have any interest. Just one thing to say, my thanks go to the people organising and running the course for giving their time up freely preparing food, assisting us, and guiding us through the whole thing. I am grateful for all the help they are providing.
See you Wednesday when I will briefly add where I am before the next session :)
Thursday 20 January 2011
My Welcome Dinner
So the first night of the Alpha Course has now happened and I have just got back home. It started with the most wonderful meal cooked by some great people. We all sat and chatted and introduced ourselves and learnt about why we are there and I discovered that we are all there for completely different reasons. It's really nice to have so many different people there all looking at the same thing from so many different angles. They seem to remind you of things that you already know or may have forgotten from the past. Within the group we have some great leaders who are guiding us and asking opinions and thoughts without putting any pressure on us at all. I was welcome to join in and say as little or as much as i wanted to about any of the topics or things we had seen.
We were given a brief introduction and saw a video which showed a life flashing through in 60 seconds with the phrase "Is there more than this to life?" which lead me to a thought relating to whether there really is more. I also heard someone from a previous course give their experiences and ideas from how they perceived the course and what they thought of it and they thoroughly enjoyed it and admitted scepticism (sorry if the spelling is wrong!) which is reassuring.
The video from Nicky Gumbel was the first one in the series and set the scene for the rest of the course and to me the key thing that came out about it was when he said that we always strive for the next thing, and when we achieve that we wanted to go and find the next thing that was bigger and better. My life is constantly like that. There is always stuff going on and i am always trying to do better and do more... often with less time. Alpha is going to give me the opportunity to stop and take stock. Decide for myself what is the right way to go with my life. I will be able to have time to sit and decide and think and make decisions that ultimately may affect the rest of my life.
The second part of the video that I felt was relevant to me is that God is either extremely important or he is not important at all. This makes complete sense and i guess that really i am going to find it will be one or the other.
Thirdly there was a part of the video that made me feel quite uncomfortable. At the end Nicky started providing people the option for people to come before God and to close their eyes and I wasn't sure what everyone else in the room was going to do. I just looked around to see what was going on at the time, which probably isn't the right thing to do but i am just being honest.
After at the end we had a conversation about how we felt about the evening and I have heard all sorts of things tonight about what lies ahead. I am extremely curious and as Nicky says I put myself in the category that wants to find out more, but am not fully convinced as yet. I guess I have a lot of questions about a lot of topics and have not convinced myself about a lot of things but I have another 11 weeks or so to get to where i am going to be for now. Anyway I am signing off for tonight and am going to think about the things I have seen and discussed so far and will be adding some more to this over the next couple of days... Bye for now... :)
We were given a brief introduction and saw a video which showed a life flashing through in 60 seconds with the phrase "Is there more than this to life?" which lead me to a thought relating to whether there really is more. I also heard someone from a previous course give their experiences and ideas from how they perceived the course and what they thought of it and they thoroughly enjoyed it and admitted scepticism (sorry if the spelling is wrong!) which is reassuring.
The video from Nicky Gumbel was the first one in the series and set the scene for the rest of the course and to me the key thing that came out about it was when he said that we always strive for the next thing, and when we achieve that we wanted to go and find the next thing that was bigger and better. My life is constantly like that. There is always stuff going on and i am always trying to do better and do more... often with less time. Alpha is going to give me the opportunity to stop and take stock. Decide for myself what is the right way to go with my life. I will be able to have time to sit and decide and think and make decisions that ultimately may affect the rest of my life.
The second part of the video that I felt was relevant to me is that God is either extremely important or he is not important at all. This makes complete sense and i guess that really i am going to find it will be one or the other.
Thirdly there was a part of the video that made me feel quite uncomfortable. At the end Nicky started providing people the option for people to come before God and to close their eyes and I wasn't sure what everyone else in the room was going to do. I just looked around to see what was going on at the time, which probably isn't the right thing to do but i am just being honest.
After at the end we had a conversation about how we felt about the evening and I have heard all sorts of things tonight about what lies ahead. I am extremely curious and as Nicky says I put myself in the category that wants to find out more, but am not fully convinced as yet. I guess I have a lot of questions about a lot of topics and have not convinced myself about a lot of things but I have another 11 weeks or so to get to where i am going to be for now. Anyway I am signing off for tonight and am going to think about the things I have seen and discussed so far and will be adding some more to this over the next couple of days... Bye for now... :)
Monday 17 January 2011
Weekend Over,, 3 days to go
Well three days left till i begin the journey and I have to say that I have been having more thoughts about what the next 11 weeks is going to bring. I am currently a little bit fearful still but excited because I don't know what the next time will bring.
The thing I do know is I have to be me, be honest to myself and to those around me. On Thursday we are starting with a Welcome Supper which sounds like fun and I have been told I need to be able to laugh a lot to do this course.
Part of my fears at the moment is what is going to happen at the other end. I could come out with clear belief in the Christian way, but also I am worred too that I might come out certain that it is all wrong. I just don't know and I just don't know is not a good place to be.
The thing I do know is I have to be me, be honest to myself and to those around me. On Thursday we are starting with a Welcome Supper which sounds like fun and I have been told I need to be able to laugh a lot to do this course.
Part of my fears at the moment is what is going to happen at the other end. I could come out with clear belief in the Christian way, but also I am worred too that I might come out certain that it is all wrong. I just don't know and I just don't know is not a good place to be.
Friday 14 January 2011
Welcome to my Alpha Course Blog
Hiya all that know me and those that don't. This is my Alpha Blog. To give a bit of background i thought i should add some context as to what i am doing and why i am doing it. Firstly me, I have been going to church for just over 2 years and have found a church that i like the people, in fact most of them are wonderful. However I feel a bit on the outside of things and have all kinds of questions that are more confusing than anything else. I have a strongly logical brain which means if i can't completely prove it i find it difficult to believe or understand. I have seen things within the church which have amazed me but also things that have baffled me. As far as what i do within the church well, not a lot. I don't read the bible very much because i struggle to make any sense of it at all. I don't pray as much as anyone else, (it's more if i remember to i do it. I'm not sat there with a list as long as my arm to pray about). I am still left with more co-incidences (logical head on again!) than anything else.
I am seeing Alpha as my opportunity to understand what happens and what it all means and i suppose to an extent if i can really make any sense of it all. So why blog it? Well, i thought that some of my peers and colleagues within my own church would potentially be interesting and i wanted to map my journey for my benefit so i can understand better where i am and i can see what i have written as i have gone along and how my views have changed (or not) as the case may be. I don't know a huge amount about the Alpha course however i have deliberately kept it that way as i want to discover it as i go along. I know that it is going to be interesting and a challenge for me and probably for those who are running it but it is quite exciting.
One thing i will not be doing on this Blog is putting anything about who is attending the course, naming anyone or putting the location. This is about my journey and hopefully will be interesting to anyone who wants to read it.
So Alpha begins in 6 days time (Thursday 20th January) with a "Welcome Dinner". Not sure what that means at the moment. My guess is that i will be meeting all the other people who are going to be doing Alpha with me and i will be telling them about me and meeting them for the first time. I guess we are all going to be coming from different backgrounds and knowledge and it will most definitely be interesting. Looking forward in the future people tend to come out with stronger belief in God and there is a part of me that wonders what will change, (if anything) in the time i am doing this.
The important thing is i am going into this with a completely open mind and what will be will be. Oh and i forgot, please leave comments or thoughts on here as i am interested in all ideas and opinions.... See you later
I am seeing Alpha as my opportunity to understand what happens and what it all means and i suppose to an extent if i can really make any sense of it all. So why blog it? Well, i thought that some of my peers and colleagues within my own church would potentially be interesting and i wanted to map my journey for my benefit so i can understand better where i am and i can see what i have written as i have gone along and how my views have changed (or not) as the case may be. I don't know a huge amount about the Alpha course however i have deliberately kept it that way as i want to discover it as i go along. I know that it is going to be interesting and a challenge for me and probably for those who are running it but it is quite exciting.
One thing i will not be doing on this Blog is putting anything about who is attending the course, naming anyone or putting the location. This is about my journey and hopefully will be interesting to anyone who wants to read it.
So Alpha begins in 6 days time (Thursday 20th January) with a "Welcome Dinner". Not sure what that means at the moment. My guess is that i will be meeting all the other people who are going to be doing Alpha with me and i will be telling them about me and meeting them for the first time. I guess we are all going to be coming from different backgrounds and knowledge and it will most definitely be interesting. Looking forward in the future people tend to come out with stronger belief in God and there is a part of me that wonders what will change, (if anything) in the time i am doing this.
The important thing is i am going into this with a completely open mind and what will be will be. Oh and i forgot, please leave comments or thoughts on here as i am interested in all ideas and opinions.... See you later
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