It's another Sunday gone and another day of interest for me on my journey. Its been truly fascinating. I have been to church yesterday which was really good. It started with a good worship which was really uplifting. I was approached by two people to assist with various things that people needed me for. It was wonderful to be able to use my skills and talents to be able to help people.
The first thing that came to me was the pasteur who wanted some photos for the website and I was more than happy to help. In fact i wanted to help in anyway I could. I know that I am still yet to commit to God and Jesus but it doesn't stop me being desperate to help out and be the best me I can be. I guess that is being "Youier". I am being much more the person that I wanted to be and probably the person that I should always be.
I wish I could do more to support the church and be able to do more than I do. I feel that it is something that is important to me, (I know I am still in the cage with the paws on the side but that is another issue). I have spoken about potentially doing something relating to Alpha at the end of the Alpha Course that i am doing, maybe do a piece which can be used to promote it as a wonderful opportunity to ask the difficult questions.
The other thing I managed to do was to give a little back to some friends who have been so caring and wonderful to me. What I did was only a little by assisting them fixing their computers which were misbehaving, but I ended up taking too much of their time as it took a little longer than expected.. .Sorry! Part of me was wondering though, was I put there to help them to be there and take the opportunity. Is it coincidence or more. There are an awful lot of them. How do I get to coming out of the cage? Where do I find the courage? Am I always going to stay in my cage, too scared to come out and see the world out there? I thought that by now I would have come out but I just can't and it is a cause of endless frustration, but I am being held back and the only thing that is holding me back is me.
But I have had a few moments in church in the past few weeks which have been interesting. Two weeks ago we had a sermon on the holy spirit, which happened after I had asked several people what the holy spirit was because I still struggle to understand what it is.
The second one was yesterday. There I was sat next to a friend and I asked him "What is the Father Heart of God?" It is a phrase I have heard a number of times in the church and have never understood. Anyway after I asked him and he tried his best to describe it to me, worship finished. Then the Sermon started about "What is the Father Heart of God?" It was amazing that straight after I asked the question it was answered. Is this another one of these coincidences or is it something more.
I have got my bible with me tonight and I am going to randomly read a few verses tonight, and see if it brings any inspiration. I am feeling in the need of it right now because I am still stubbornly sticking to not committing to life with Jesus. Sorry cos I am letting him down and a lot of people who want to see me do it...
Alex, you are not letting anyone down except, perhaps, yourself!
ReplyDeleteDon't concern yourself with what others may think about you or your progress. The whole thing about Alpha is that you go at your own pace and no pressure! It took me years to get to the point of giving my life to Christ, but it all depends on where you are coming from. Some people do two or more Alpha courses simply because there is a lot to take on board and all of it may be new to you. I will tell you my story one day, but only when you would like to hear it. Just (R + anagram of ALEX), “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt 7:7 and Luke 11:9.