Another Alpha week tomorrow

so another week at Alpha is here tomorrow evening. I have seen another week with bits and pieces that have been going round in my head. I am going to be picking up my bible in a couple of minutes to read the whole of John 14 and a couple of other bits and pieces as I have decided that if I can I want God to speak to me.

So week 6, "How does God guide us?" is next on the list of topics. So this is another interesting week. My guess as things stand at the moment is very much around through the bible and through answers to prayer. I have no idea and I haven't read ahead. I guess it could also be through the holy spirit but doesn't he come through answers to prayer.

I still am suprised that i haven't come to faith yet but I know that it will be in my own time. I really thought that some of the things I have seen would be enough to convince me but I am still sat back and looking.

I still have wonderful words of encouragement around me all the time from lots of people and I keep reading and looking at them all.

I feel though that i need to do more than I have done and need to poke this with a bigger stick, read more, understand more and push this whole thing because I can do more than I am doing. I think I am currently feeling a bit down overall because it hasn't gone as i thought it was going to and I am back into the searching bit all over again. The problem is I am back searching without the first clue what I am searching for!!!

Anyway the key thing is Holy Spirit weekend which I have been told is just the best part of the Alpha Course. I am not sure what is so good about it as I have no idea what it is going to be like. I hear that people talk about how great it was when they did it. Am I going to be disappointed, or is this the opposite, a massive breakthrough when I am not expecting it. The reality is I don't know. I suppose the starting point is I struggle with what the holy spirit is, or I did until someone explained it to me, I guess I really just don't know whether I am going to be captivated or unsure on the whole thing. Am I going to question or embrace what is in front of me?

And here I am back at questions again, similar to the way I started the course. Have I come full circle back round to where i am now or have i changed the questions I am asking a lot. I know I've changed. It's whether I can make the next change and I suppose at the moment, I have to wonder will I ever make the next step. My bunnies both did it, so why can't I? Hopefully it will all sort itself out, but I just have to be patient. Oh well. Lets see how God will guide us tomorrow and what that will bring. Maybe it will bring more answers, maybe more questions... I'll find out then..Until tomorrow night (or Friday if it is late!)